Dear Teapartiers, please go teabag someone.

After all, it’s fun to do. Even better, it will hopefully provide you with enough distraction that I won’t have to continuously hear about your self-righteous gatherings via online newspapers or viral videos for the next 2 (or more) years.

I’d always thought that the angry, logic-indifferent, bigotted brand of low-brow conservatives was too lazy and politically unconscious to rally for anything. But I guess a cause as honorable as protecting our nation’s healthcare system (by bashing gays, promoting guns, and designating immigrants as the worn-out scapegoat) is important enough to motivate even the most protest-amature among you.* So, thank you for proving me wrong.

However, there are several points that I’d like you to clarify when you get the chance. For example, if illegal workers are truly “stealing jobs” from American citizens, why is it that agriculture – where most of them are employed – is one of the only fields that still can’t find enough employees to fill its ranks? Doesn’t that mean that not only are the “illegals” not taking jobs that would otherwise go to your unemployed little brother, but that the same little brother should, if he put his money where his mouth is, be able to go out and find his own low-paid position harvesting crops beneath the midday sun?

Oh, shit, that doesn’t sound very appealing, does it? Maybe brother Bill will just let Ale-Alejandro (Lady GaGa reference, of course) keep on plowing away in one of the country’s most dangerous, and necessary, occupations.

But wait, you say. The Tea Party movement is about more than just outing those Mexican rascals. It’s about standing up for the well-being of American society in the face of a (possibly Muslim) black tyrant who’s failed at bailing us out of a national and international crisis, even with all of his socialist plans.

Well, I’ve got a pretty basic question for you. Do you know who really is at fault for the current, almost worldwide economic downturn? No? Me neither. But if I were in the mood for ignorant finger-pointing, I’d probably tilt the index over towards short-sighted loaning agencies and credit-irresponsible, homegrown consumers, rather than undocumented immigrants doing whatever work they can find. Just sayin’.

If you disagree with the proposed healthcare bill, then by all means, voice your opinion. March in the streets, wave your signs, raise your voices and risk getting pepper-sprayed. You’ll be doing justice to our country’s foundations, which include the freedom of speech and the freedom of dissent – and I’ll be happy to consider your opinions, ’cause hell, I ain’t sure Obama’s got all the answers, either. But, please, keep your arguments relevant and perhaps a little bit respectful. Public healthcare has no more to do with your hatred for homosexuals and brown people than it does with my left titty.

Which is pierced and has kind of been nagging me lately. Am I insured for that?


Your Kitty

*All sweeping statements made about the values associated with the Tea Bagging movement are paraphrases based on recent posts to their official website. If you’re interested in taking a look, go find the page yourself on Google, ’cause I’m not gonna use my link quotas adding them.

I’d love to hear back from you with some studied anwers. In the mean time, check out this link to the Official Web Page of the United Farm Workers of America (UFW). You could find a job, and you just might learn something.

Image by KnitStorm

One Response to “Dear Teapartiers, please go teabag someone.”
  1. The Took says:

    The Democrats aren’t any better. The only difference between the Democrats and Republicans is who drops to their knees faster when corporations come knocking. I refer you the great Lewis Black: Then again in Europe you have 12 different parities and they’re all nuts too.

    In the end the Tea Party movement is about scared people in scary times, if these people would still have their Hummers and houses in the suburbs no one would say boo but since now we’re in a bit of a crunch desperate and scared people need to find a scapegoat (not that I am protecting the US government). Also our lax immigration laws aren’t helping out either, or our comfort with having lettuce shipped from Mexico, our recycling going to China to get processed, our oil coming from the Saudis etc. I could write and write but in the end I’ll get a headache.

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